The day I posted the following as a "status update" on Facebook was the day I realized I needed an outlet. After several conversations with friends recently on this very subject and having many friends for whom this journey of miscarriage has been a reality (and frankly so much of the other junk people go through that we as "the church" won't really touch with a ten foot pole) I came to a place of needing to just put this out there. I really wasn't sure how it would be received, but for my own sanity I needed a place to dump my thoughts because the truth is I WEPT. I had become so consumed with wondering if my friends and loved ones who have walked this path have truly and genuinely felt supported and loved that at times over a matter of a few days I just came to a place of weeping and mourning their struggles, their tears, their incredible faith, their beloved friendship. In an effort not to annoy my FB friends with ridiculously long posts in the future, I'll be using this blog as a dump site for these things that seem to overwhelm my thoughts and emotions - a place I can just put it out there. And if you care to read it too, then awesome.
"Jesus wept." John 11:35
There is a wealth of knowledge in these words...
If we believe the Word to be true, then it is truth to say that a miscarriage or loss of a baby before we know them in this world is something God has allowed as part of His grander plan, but to tread into the territory of presuming that should be reason not to grieve the loss of that life is utter fallacy. The particular phrase I am referencing is one I've heard uttered too many times within the walls of the church: "It's ok. It was just part of God's plan, sweetie. It's probably for the best," or "Don't be sad. God knows what he's doing," always delivered with a half-smile. FALLACY - look it up. A lie. John 11 recounts how Jesus Christ knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead in His own power and with great purpose, and yet "HE WEPT." Let us not take lightly the extent to which our Father is concerned with the grief we bear over loss of life. I have not known (that I am aware) the pain of miscarriage, but the truth is I am among the FEW. Most women of child-bearing age know this pain and "the church" does little to truly comfort and appropriately address the grief and loss that is felt, be it at 6 weeks or 6 months gestation. We sweep it under the rug because it is uncomfortable and believe the lie that to mourn the loss of that life in this world somehow belittles God's grand plan. What truly belittles our God is to treat it as such a small thing so as to "move on" never truly addressing the emotions and grief that come with miscarriage. If anything, we are created in the likeness of One who prizes human life and who grieves the loss of it because it is something to be treasured. For a variety of reasons this has weighed heavy on my heart in recent weeks. DO NOT SKIP THE STEP OF GRIEF! The next time you know someone has suffered such loss, resist the temptation to encourage them to simply move on "in faith", and instead take the time to sit and cry with them, grieve with them. That is, after all, the appropriate response. WEEP. "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4, or as the Message so eloquently puts it: "You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you." You cannot be truly comforted and receive the peace that passes all understanding until you take the time to mourn.
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